Gaining Balance

With our lives busier than ever, usually in the fast lane, getting some balance between that fast pace and calm while gaining what you want from life, can be a challenge.

Life coach and author, Marina Fernandez Julian, explains how gaining that balance doesn’t have to be as difficult as you may think.

How to Maintain and Sustain Balance

Half of you might like to set goals, the other half don’t and might look for different ways to influence your life. And perhaps what we have in common, is that we all want congruence between what we say we want to do, and what we do; a somewhat alignment of the whole were things are easier, there is less noise in our heads and our outside reflects our inside. We want Balance, and for that a good foundation is necessary.

“Clarity on what we want, what is essentials for us and what is not negotiable, backed up by supportive and sustainable behaviours that match our intentions, are the basis of a good foundation,” says Marina. 

Knowing what you want and what is essential in your life allows you to make choices that give your life direction, making the journey easier and more straightforward. Knowledge gives you power, inner knowledge sets you on fire. When we have no clarity, the opposite happens.

No clarity = vague destination. Vague destination = difficult journey

Identifying your essentials

Explore what is essential for you and how you can ensure you build those essentials into your life when deciding. Essentials are the elements of your life that are important and have meaning for you. Your values are the source of your foundations – they will always be with you no matter how long or short the journey you’re on. They represent the factors you’re not ready to compromise on.

Somebody said, “It is not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.” This is because when you know what matters to you, it’s easy to make choices. If you don’t value something, you won’t choose it. Think about a simple career choice. Because you value your independence, you’re far more likely to be attracted by having your own business or working as a contractor because both offer you autonomy and independence.

Go a little deeper a get some clarity, be specific. What matters to you? Is it financial security? Creativity? Doing meaningful work? Though it doesn’t have to be work-related, of course. Your values can influence where you choose to live or the way you take care of yourself.

Consider what attributes someone needs for you to want to share your life with them? I’m not talking about money or super- facial things like how they look, but their principles and values. What is essential to you and what couldn’t you live without? Write it down.

For me, a key essential, for example, is loyalty and generosity. My husband and friends are loyal, generous and love their families.

“A key essential for me is loyalty and generosity. My husband and friends are loyal, generous and love their families,” says Marina.

Looking back, I now realise that if I’d had more clarity about what I wanted in my life and what was essential for me, I could have made my life a lot easier when making decisions, putting less effort, and getting better results. That was something I learned to do much later in life.

Making decisions is easier when you know what you value.

The Non-Negotiables

Do you know what is non- negotiable in your life? Non-negotiables are those things you are not prepared to negotiate over under any circumstances. It’s about setting boundaries. Boundaries show others where you stand and help to raise your self-esteem by making it easier to put yourself (or what is important to you) first. They clearly communicate what you are and are not prepared to do as well as helping you stay organised.

When you don’t have boundaries in place, your life can get crazy. One client of mine had nine meetings every day. Others read their emails in bed, others worked so much they couldn’t get to the loo and some skipped lunch because they were too busy to eat. All these overworked people allowed this to happen because they hadn’t set any boundaries and didn’t know what a non-negotiable looked like for them.

Fortunately, today things are different for these clients: they limit meetings, make time for lunch (and the loo), and no longer read work emails in bed. As a result, their lives have improved substantially. All of them reported to me that once they’d set boundaries, their life became easier, and they were less stressed. At last, they felt as if they had control of their lives, rather than the other way around.

Any time you set boundaries based on your non-negotiables, you take a risk. If you decide that starting work before 8am is a non-negotiable, you must accept that you might lose clients who want meetings earlier in the morning. That’s a good thing though, because you won’t feel compromised or pressurised to do anything you don’t want to do freeing your head from noise and guilt. Of course, you can change your non-negotiables any time, so they always fit with your current lifestyle and needs.

Download supportive behavioural programs

Of course, nothing changes if nothing changes. We often run our lives on autopilot allowing our old behavioural programs to run our lives, yet we expect to see a different. So, what are the habits I need to develop to be the person I want to be? Pay attention and rewrite your subconscious program by downloading new models of behaviours. Reading a book once or going to the gym once won’t change our life, creating a new habit will and repetition is key and what will manifest the experience. How can I sustain these behaviours? Practice repeatedly, until it has become a new habit adding self-compassion, love, and kindness.

Empowering Actions

Clarity about what you want and the decision to make it happen are the essential tools for living the life you desire. Without those two elements in place, your journey becomes unnecessarily difficult. When you remember that it’s YOUR CHOICE, you can take responsibility for yourself and your life.

Write a list of your essentials and non- negotiables. This will give you a clear picture of how you want your life to be. It’ll also help you set boundaries that will simplify your life and ensure others respect your time and priorities.

Add to this by downloading supportive behaviours overwriting all the other behaviours that you don’t feel part of anymore. Start taking action; do things that empower you.When it comes into installing new behaviours, there is not a short cut other than repeating it continuously until you don’t have to think about it anymore.

And then, one day after a lot of commitment, practice, and perseverance you stop thinking about this. You notice that things are happening…. you are putting less effort, feeling less guilt and noise in your head. You are blooming, have plenty of energy and you are enjoying life more. You are in congruence with yourself, you are balanced.

“Don’t ask me what the world needs.

Ask me what makes you come alive,

go and do it because what the world needs are people who have come alive.”

Howard Thurman

If you would like to work with Marina, you can email her via her website below or check out her book, Balance, living a life true to yourself, available in Amazon.

www.marinazestforlife.com